Years ago, I went to a large summit for business owners. One of the presentations was focused on how women and men differ in their approaches to business. There were approximately 75 attendees at this workshop — a good mix of both men and women.
The presenter began by asking “How many of you have contracts you ask your customers to sign before providing products/services?” Nearly every hand shot up. “Keep your hands up!” she said, then asked, “If you alter your rates and polices, or negotiate your fees on your contract before signing?” Every male hand went down. Unfortunately, not every female hand did. And it got me thinking.
I don’t negotiate rates or policies on my contracts. However, I did often apologize when questioned. “I’m sorry I still charge if there’s a no-show, I know that must be difficult for you;” or “I’m sorry, I know interpreting services are expensive, but…”And I’m embarrassed to say I responded like this for the first decade I was in business.
And then one day my CFO said to me, “Please stop apologizing.” She wasn’t talking about a contract negotiation at that moment, it was something I’d asked her to do and then apologized for asking her to do it. To her, it was just an unnecessary annoyance. I didn’t need to placate her. She had the same work ethic and drive for the company to succeed that I did. Her annoyance was that I constantly was trying to make the person on the other end of any conversation feel good about the situation and if I thought they wouldn’t, I’d follow up quickly with “I’m sorry.”To her, it felt uncomfortable. To her, it was unnecessary.
Early in my career as an entrepreneur my father sat me down and warned me about the “good little girl syndrome.” He explained, “Little girls look for validation. Little girls need to be patted on the head and told they’re sweet, good, and loved. They look for constant approval and change who they are to make others like them. Stop acting like a little girl,” he advised. “Be a businesswoman. Look for validation from within.”
I needed my CFO’s reminder to stop falling into the good little girl syndrome. There’s no place for overly empathizing or for constantly apologizing in business. You lose credibility. You become a pushover. Your customers, employees, and vendors will smell it all over you. It will cost you time, money, and reputation.
Take a moment to reflect on whether, as a business owner, if you apologize for any of the following:
When your customers are late paying their invoices? Stop and remember that you’re not a bank and you shouldn’t be carrying your customer’s account. For example, a large state contract was delinquent by over $150,000. They had all kinds of reasons why, however the facts were this: We were charging them 4 percent in late fees, which is the maximum I can charge them. But in order to “carry the state,” I was paying my bank 9 percent in interest on my line of credit. I still must pay my interpreters who covered their work, along with my staff and my overhead. Why would I apologize to them for insisting they pay? They should be apologizing that they put the onus on a small business to carry their debt.
When your rates are higher than some of your competition? Now, if someone questions our rates, I refer to our contract and remind them of the points of difference we bring to the industry. I let them know up front that we may not be the cheapest option, but we’re their best option. And then I spell out what those differences are and how it brings value to their place of business. Afterall, shopping at Target is different than shopping at Bloomingdale’s. Bloomingdale’s doesn’t apologize because their prices don’t compete with Target. The differences are obvious and so are ours.
If you think you may be taking up someone’s time? Do you start a phone call with “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”? Beginning a conversation this way implies that another person’s time is more important than your own. Instead of coming off as courteous, it gives the impression that you’re over-solicitous — not a good image for a business owner.
Because you’re afraid you’ll lose a client’s business? When a contract is so big you can’t afford to lose it, an apologetic deportment displays your fear that they’ll stop doing business with you. Of course, you want to be respectful and polite, however you can’t let the fear of losing a customer affect how you conduct yourself and your business.
Because you want to be liked? I’ve found as I mature as a businessowner that it’s much more important to be respected than to be liked. Of course, the customer who doesn’t get pushed to pay on time likes me — I’ve just given him breathing room with his accounts payable. But does he respect me? Or view me as a pushover?
Stop apologizing. Reserve saying “I’m sorry” only for when you’ve done something wrong and not as an attempt to make another person feel better about a situation. Be respected. It feels so much better than being liked — and you can be both.
